You're shaped from an early age to be something. It's not malice, it's what they know. Family, environment, circumstances. They mold you without you noticing. Years later you wake up and realize you spent key time following a script you didn't write.
It's not that they forced you. It's more subtle. They showed you a path, told you it was right, and you followed because you trusted them. Because they were important to you. Because their words carried weight.
Until one day something doesn't fit. You're doing what you "should," but you don't recognize yourself. You look back and see years invested in a direction that wasn't yours.
The tension of choosing
At some point you have two options: keep going to avoid breaking expectations, or choose yourself even if that means disappointing people you care about.
It's not just family. It's people whose opinion matters to you. People who have a clear idea of how you should live your life. And sometimes that idea doesn't align with yours.
When there's no alignment, when you don't mutually support the direction each wants to take, eventually you have to choose: please others or be honest with yourself.
I chose wrong for a long time. I chose to please. But something inside was breaking.
Breaking the pattern
At some point I understood that if I kept going like that, nothing would change. And that if something was going to change, it had to start with me.
I started making changes. Walking away from situations and people that, even though I cared about them, didn't align with the direction I needed to take.
What I learned
Sometimes you have to walk away. From situations, from people. It's not abandoning, it's protecting what you're building. If someone doesn't support the direction you need to take, walking away is legitimate.
No one's going to design your life better than you. Being self-taught isn't an option, it's a necessity. You have to learn to build what you want, because no one else is going to do it for you.
You can't control what others think or feel. You can do everything right and still disappoint someone. Others' reactions aren't under your control, and shouldn't define your decisions.
You can't control everything. Learning when to let go is as important as knowing when to push forward.
Breaking the pattern isn't an epic moment. It's a series of uncomfortable decisions. It's choosing to disappoint others before betraying yourself.
I don't know if this will help anyone. But if you're in that place where you don't recognize yourself, where everything you do seems to be for others, maybe this will resonate.
There's no moment where everything clicks and resolves itself. Just small, uncomfortable decisions that bring you closer to something that looks more like you.